UP, UP,...AND A WATCH OUT!!!

My wife and I have had few dates in recent times, so tonight we decided to do the traditional dinner and a movie. On route to Bugaboo Creek, Sarah let out a startled noise, which was similar to "Mughhh!" or a "Heeblaha!" or some other invention that would earn you a win in scrabble. The sound was in reaction to a deer that was standing next to the road. Now the stupid thing for the deer to do, would be to try to cross the highway. This means, that in any second, that's exactly what the animal would do. Sarah hit the breaks, which certainly saved us of car repair costs and air bag burns. The guy beside us was not so lucky. He was too concerned with his cell phone conversation, which makes his accident bittersweet.

I never knew that deer could fly. Reindeer sure, but not your traditional Bambi. A rotating deer flew through the air, over the top of his car and to the other side of the road. Something hit our car as well but we're still not sure if it was a piece of totaled car or a piece of totaled deer. Regardless,...it was pretty insane, and certainly sad. 

We carried on to Bugaboo Creek but had forgotten about the creek's decor. I didn't take the time to count the deer heads on the wall but take my word there was a lot. That was the irony. Having witnessed a deer get killed on the highway and then eating at a restaurant that stares you down with murdered deer noggins. It's an interesting position to find yourself in. To be stared while comforting your cravings for meat. Thankfully we ordered the shrimp. 

As for the movie? Pixar is AMAZING. Disney would be screwed without them. Think about it....what was the last Disney hit that was actually Disney's? Exactly. All Disney has is sequels to their previous hits, which seriously makes me laugh.  (and not in a good way) For those of you who can remember back that far, or who have seen the original Disney classics...they all seemed to open like a story book and like all great fairy tales ended with the, and I quote...."They All Lived Happily Ever After." (flash forward to the present day) Welllllllll.....apparently their characters DIDN'T live happily ever after because they forgot about the time that Ariel got lost in space,......when Pinnochio traveled through time, and when Cruella De Vil fought for her lesbian rights. 

Regardless of money issues, Sarah and I opted for the slightly more expensive 3D rendition of the film. (SPOILER ALERT) The film is fun, but do not expect 3D to mean that things are going to be coming right up to your face. It's just enough to break the "wall" of the screen. NOT Watching it in 3D will be just fine. The 3D glasses, if you go to that version, are designed to look like the glasses worn by Carl Fredericksen, the old man that you've seen in the trailer. Everyone in the theater looks just like him, which is funny when you take into account that, SQUIRREL!!! 

Hi there.

  

Sweetie...I want you to turn around slowly and look at the road....there's a f*ckin' hamster driving a car.....

Have you seen this commercial? Of course you have! It's for the KIA Soul. The one that looks like it starts out at Elliott's house from "E.T." and progresses downtown to show all the hamsters in hamster wheels except for 1 group of hamsters who somehow got their paws on a car? With all the stupid things that organizations complain about, I can't believe that animal rights people aren't up in arms about this, I'll explain why in a minute.  

Remember when "Batman Returns" came out? Am I aging myself? To some of you maybe. Actually, if I want to age myself, the first movie I ever saw in the movie theaters was "Song of the South," directed by Harve Foster and Wilfred Jackson. Two directors I've never heard of aside from directing the film that many believe was the formation film of a neon arrow that pointed Walt Disney out as a racist. This couldn't be further from the truth. I know from visitation experience that Disney takes all of our money equally! On a humorous note, the second film I ever saw was the above mentioned "E.T.," directed by Steven Spielberg. The same day that my mother took my brother and I to see "E.T.," the neighboring audience was watching "Bambi," directed by David Hand. Another director that I've never heard of aside from directing the film that many believe was the formation film of a neon arrow that pointed Walt Disney out as a hunter. This couldn't be further from the truth! I know from visitation experience that Disney hunts us all equally! At any rate, I desperately wanted to see "Bambi." There are two possible explanations for this. 1. I'm a kid who LOVES cartoons or 2. My brother wanted to see "E.T." and being a sibling it was my duty to pick something else, just to cause a fight. I pleaded with the art of a 2 or 3 year old and unbenounced to me, my mother purchased tickets for "E.T." I asked her if we were going to see "Bambi" and wouldn't you know it, she told me yes. Mothering is like electricity....you find the quickest route of exit. That's exactly why birds don't get electrifried on telephone wires. I sat in the theater with my bucket of popcorn and the movie began. 

FADE IN:

Forrest -- Night.

An alien spacecraft has landed in the woods. The door of the craft begins to creak open.

At that moment my mother turned to us and asked "Who's coming kids?" Well...still not realizing that I had been down right lied too, I ecstatically responded "BAMBI!!!!!" Embarrassing right? I know, I'll never live it down. Especially by those of you who know me and read this. I'm an ass for posting it. Can you imagine though? Bambi emerging from an alien spacecraft? Might be cool. Continuing though, it turns out that someone who recognized my mother was sitting 3 rows back and jokingly whispered some insult that reflected her bad parenting skills and the morals of lying to a child. 

My life has been filled with instances like this. Like the time I wanted my babysitter to read me "Charlotte's Web" before going to sleep. Well, there's just no way to read that entire book to a child that you want to go to sleep within the next 10 minutes so your boyfriend or girlfriend who has been suffocating in the closet for the last 4 hours can finally come out. So she created a short cut by developing a scene in which Fern was ordered to make Wilbur sleep outside. Fern felt bad because outside was a torrential downpour with extreme thunder and lightning. When the rest of her family went to sleep, Fern ran outside and brought Wilbur back into the house. The character obviously didn't want her father (who seemed stern and abusive in this rendition) to find her little friend, so she made Wilbur sleep in a porklet sized gap between the wall and the stove. The next morning, Fern came downstairs to the smell of breakfast in the kitchen.....you can see where I'm going with this. YEARS later we read the book in school and I still believed, until that point, that this was how the story ended. But wouldn't you know it...the story went on and on and on. My innocent mind was confused. I don't remember that at all! When do they eat the pig!!?? Uh-huh. It's sad, I know. 

The point about Batman is that protesters stood outside theaters across the country with picket signs because of footage showing penguins with missiles strapped to their backs. Robotic...CGI...Missile Shootin' Penguins!...................1. AWESOME! and 2. Get a life protesters! More than half of those people don't even watch the damn movie before they protest...and if they had, they'd find that their side wins in the movie as none of the penguins explode......I demanded my money back. 

NOW! If YOU'RE THAT kind of protester.........you should HATE the KIA ad.....and NOT for the car, or the hamster wheels, or the house that looks like the house from "E.T." You should hate the ad because one of the hamsters is on a wheel that is positioned on a rail road track!! Death is on the horizon and its victim is fluffernutter, Jr., named after his father who was tragically killed in an accidental laundry accident. Mom strikes again! Sure they don't SHOW the hamster get hit by a train, but you are subconsciously aware of his fate! The only hope he has are hamsters in a care who are driving away! Man I hope kids don't start putting their hamsters on rail road tracks. I can tell you now that you will get the same effect as if you put a quarter there.  What a long route to get to a short point, huh? Viva la tangent!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UFHCfwF87_o